Connection and Altruism

March 31, 2010

I

During my sophomore year of college I was enrolled in a social psychology class. One topic we discussed was altruism and whether or not truly altruistic actions exist. An altruistic act is one in which the actor is acting solely for the benefit of another with no concern for his own gratification. So, by definition, a person who gives but does so begrudgingly, is not acting altruistically. Research shows that people reap benefits from helping others in the form of a positive feeling at the very least. Even these are no altruistic actions strictly speaking, because there are rewards resulting from the action. As a class we determined no person acts without any negative or positive reaction.

II

I’m a counselor. Earlier today, one of my clients was describing a positive change she has made: exercising regularly. She talked about the importance of being consistent, because if you miss one day, it makes it easier to miss another.

Ia

I acknowledge that what I do when I feed and spend time the homeless people around Union is far from an altruistic act. So far from it. It even goes at times the point of been selfish.

Ib

I thought today about when Nik and I first began spending time with homeless people. We were so consistent. Rain or shine. Same time, every Wednesday. We went one night, skipped a week, and then went consistently for a long time. But somewhere along the line, we missed a day. I can’t remember why we did the first time. Most likely it had something to do with my work schedule changing or a bike tire being flat or the weather or either of us just not being in the mood for it. I don’t remember. But one time was the first time and now I know I’m not as consistent. I used to have this sense of urgency and responsibility. “They expect us to be there!” But now it seems as if they don’t and I ask myself , “Is it the chicken or egg or some third factor unrelated to farm animals?” Did they stop expecting us because we became unpredictable? Or have they just been harder to find because of police crackdown? Have I become even less consistent because it’s becoming harder and harder to find them?

III

Today I have allergies, work was fine, but when I came home (I rode my bike to work) I found that my car window had been smashed and a bunch of cds were taken. I was frustrated, irritated, and sad. Mad at humanity. Why do people do stuff like that? I was so close to using this as an excuse for not meeting with the homeless, and then I thought about when my client said about exercise. Where did my passion for these people go? Are the few, sometimes 0, homeless people that I run into while I’m out not precious enough to keep me going? Is that pretty lame excuse that has nothing to do with whether or not I can actually go enough to make me decide I won’t?

So I went out of a sense of responsibility, duty, but not begrudgingly, and to avoid feeling like I had used an excuse to get out of something. Is avoiding a negative feeling considered a reward? So I may or may not have gone out today with altruistic intentions.

This quickly changed when my reward appeared. John. I haven’t seen John in months, but I think about him often and wonder where and how he is. I was practically jumping up and down when I saw him across the street. I was ready to chase him if he didn’t end up walking in my direction, but he did and I waited like a happy puppy behind a fence till he got to my side. As he talked, I soaked him in.

My friend Chris went with me and he shared a delicious sandwich with John and words of comfort and understanding for which John was so thankful. John blindly opened up the Bible to the first chapter of Isaiah and asked me to read it. He said he needed to hear it from me. He couldn’t have read it himself. Not because he couldn’t read but because he needed to hear it from my mouth.

So we all soaked each other up. No altruism whatsoever, I guess, because we were all rewarded on so may levels.

If I hadn’t had made up my mind to set aside my perfectly acceptable but literally bogus excuse, who knows how many more months I would have had to wait to see John.

People are Beautiful- 4 Stages

Just when I needed it, I was reminded that people are so beautiful. Life and people can be very ugly, but this ugliness is so often accompanied by beauty. And beauty by ugliness. They are wrapped up in each other. People are probably the most disgusting and wonderful examples of this relationship.

So today we met some our friends at the park by my house. Loren had the shakes pretty bad. I asked him what was wrong and tried to get him to eat. He wouldn't eat anything but a couple small bites that I practically forced on him. He told me later that he didn't want to eat because he would throw it up. He didn't have enough alcohol in his body. "I'm a fool," he told me many times. His dad died at age 44 from cirrhosis of the liver. Loren is 38.

He told me a lot of things. He saw Tombstone on TV a while ago. He saw the scene where the people dressed up to go to a funeral. He watched them lower the casket into the ground and he remembered his fathers funeral. "I don't want to do that to my family." He spent a night in the hospital with his father when he was dying and saw his abdomen distend before his eyes.

He remembered when he first started living on the streets. He hated it at first. There weren't any resources. He didn't know how people lived. He called this the first stage. The second stage set in when he got used to it. And finally, in the third stage, he had begun to like it. He told Nik and I he has the opportunity to get treatment. He was fed up with himself for accepting the life he had, so I asked, "Is there a fourth stage?"

"Death." I felt my body freeze. And after a pause, "Death...Jail...A bad accident."

I was hoping he would say, "Change" or "Getting into the respite center." He knows there's help available to him. He just mentioned a way out! But death seemed more likely.

How disgusting! How beautiful! How honored and humbled I was to hear what he had to say. When people open up to you, show you their open wounds, you should recognize that you are being honored.

He talked about all the beautiful things he had seen in this county. A lightning bolt that shook the windows of a house and the thick hail that followed seconds later. A sunset when be clouds burst and the sunlight shot through. Four rainbows at once during El Nino seen through a jail window.

A lot of the time he had tears in his eyes. And another homeless friend gave us each a tangerine that he and Loren had worked together to pick.

The Beginning of Something

At some point in February or March earlier this year, 2009, Nik and I started spending time with homeless people near the area I live. What we do started when one day I considered several things I was learning about or had known for some time. I had know that fasting was an important and expected part of Judaism and early Christianity. I was reading a book by Shane Claiborne called Irresistible Revolution. The section I was reading at the time was about his experiences in college while spending time with homeless people. So I decided to fast a pray for a day, and that day I decided I would like to break my fast with homeless people. So often homeless people receive food from others but no real meaningful exchange occurs. I thought I would make a meal for myself and another person, go to an area where I knew homeless people would be, and ask if one if he or she would like to share a meal with me. Originally I planned to do this on my own, but I thought I would be safer with another person just in case anything went wrong. So I told Nik about my idea and asked him to come with me.

Nik and I live in Bakersfield, CA. I live at the eastern edge of what is considered downtown Bakersfield near Union Avenue. We met at my house and ride bikes to Union Avenue, what used to be a very trafficked street when our parents were young. In fact it was the north/south highway at the time. I don't know if the areas around Union were ever really "nice," but they aren't now for the most part. It seems that rundown homes, businesses (especially hotels in the southern part), and empty buildings and lots line Union for the most part. There used to be a big homeless community at Central Park. But it was cleared out, dug up, renovated, and renamed Mill Creek. The homeless people who lived there have since dispersed.

Some of the homeless people live off of Union between about 21st and 18th. And these are the people we have been spending time with every wednesday night. Here are some stories about our time with them.